i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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