I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
