Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
