Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
