I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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