sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
