He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
