She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
