tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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