is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
