im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
