I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
