I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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