walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
