Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So many bounce houses so little time
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
