I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
