So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
