Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
