Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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