Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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