just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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