eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
