It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
