It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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