It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
