who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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