There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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