i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
