Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
