no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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