He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
