so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
