just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
