no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
