Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize