A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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