I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
