accomplished twins. life is a go
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
