How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it's like heaven, but drunker
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
