theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
