mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
