The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
