so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
