Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
