those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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