Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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