dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
