just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
