he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
