he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
