How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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