i think my tv is drunk
your room smells of hookers.
And success
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
