tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
