Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
