final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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