As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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