you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
