i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
