i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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