A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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