so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Randomize
