people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
