forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
