Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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