My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
